Well we are going to be 10 days into this month and that is crazy to me because yesterday it felt like the new year just was started and now we are into the tenth day of the second month here. Just means that nothing is going to slow down in the near future here. But today was a lot of smiles for me and that is not a normal thing for me to smile, but today there were people in my journey that made me smile. And it was over the simplest things that I seen. But I have to remember that life is one big trip we are all on here. Just know that the best things happen to you when you least expect them to happen and today it was an old man that I was talking to and he was like in his 90’s actually I think he said he was 97 years old. And I met him when I was in town running around getting things done for myself. But I had some tea at this restaurant and I was just minding my own business and this man came in wearing a World War II hat and I had to ask him about his service because of what he did for me and this country. I mean talking to a Veteran in one of the best things you can do for yourself I mean these people are what kept America free in the worse times of what this world seen. And you have to remember that they sacrifice everything in the end even leaving there families and not even knowing if they were ever going to come back.
I mean I served my country as well and I never really talk about my service for that is what good men that served do. They have no reasons to share them experiences but after today I learned that maybe that it is good to share the things that you want to share from being in the military. I mean this man was a pilot in a B-25 and flew missions in the war. And he was sitting in front of me telling me the stories of leaving his family and joining the Army and he even lied about his age to serve he was 16 and there is no way you can do that anymore. But he just was telling me about his life after and why he did what he had to do. And the money he made in the war went home to his mother so that he could support her and the farm that they grew up on. Just amazing in so many ways that this man had a great life.
But in closing this story I learned that he out lived his family and that he had a son and daughter that died like 20 years before he did. So it just shows me that I have a lot to live for yet, and I have to win over this physical condition and I mean I want this so far behind me that I can’t wait for that day that I can say that I bet this crap. I look forward to the day that I can watch my daughter grow and even get married and to watch her start her own family. But first thing is getting better and then is about taken one step at a time here and watch things as they unfold. One last thing I want to say is that the man that talk to me today his name was Henry and when it was all said and done he told me to remember this, That living life is one thing, but to give back to someone that has nothing means more then anything you can do in this world. To be kind to everyone around you even if they are being mean to you. That never loose the faith in who you are as a person. And to not let people tell you that you can’t do this or that for they never had that power to change themselves. And Henry said last to me that if we never meet again, that there will be a time that you will remember me by in the sense of what I said to you and that you will apply this to your life, because there is no better gift that you can give yourself and the end of the day.
So, those where the wise words from a man that lived in time period where life was hard and then served his country and went to war, and then had a family and then to top that off that he outlived them all including his wife of 55 years. And with that said be really good to yourself this day and to make sure that you can help others when you get that chance. Take care and many blessings to you…
Well another day is almost behind myself again and what did I learn from today that I did not from yesterday? Well I learned a lot today actually I learned that there is going to be a turning point soon with my health and what ever happens I am going to be at peace with the outcome. I mean I been battling for so long that I am forgotten what normal feels like, but then again is there a normal in your life? That is the question that has been on my mind for awhile actually to what a normal day looks like. But more importantly today was full of blessings for I went for a ride in the truck and took a nice long ride through all the back roads to where I live, and the sun was shinning and the temps were in the 20’s and there was fresh snow on the ground and in the fields. But as I was driving I was pondering a lot in my mind, and I was thinking how how really precious this life really is and how many people like myself look at it this way. I know there are days that make no sense at all then there are the days that make complete sense. And today driving made me feel so free for the first time in awhile. I mean I drove through some areas where there was a cemetery and it made me even think about those people that walked this earth way before I was born. I was wondering what life was like for them. And I know one thing is that life was simple in the sense that there was less in it. But still amazing to me that these people were real at one time and now they are a name on stone with a birthday day, and then on there is the day they left this earth as well.
But the drive was so refreshing for me. And like I said before it made me think of so much and how good that I have it. And like I have said before there is someone that is going to be dying in a hospital tonight and I am still lucky that I have that chance to keep moving forward. I mean no better feeling at the end of the day when you know that it might not of been perfect but then again to me it was not about being perfect it was just about being right more then anything. But that was my day in a nut shell nothing to crazy, but like I said I like the day I had today when it was just right.
In closing this post, I wanted to say one last thing, and that is tomorrow is coming and that I want to do something different then I did today, and I think that tomorrow will be full of many miracles and I just have a feeling that someone is going to bump into me and ask me about anything about life and I have felt ready for that to be the answer that I am looking for. That person that random stranger that I will be learning from in the sense of getting a message from. I mean I love when people do that to me, I love that they can share there stories to me and that they can also teach me a few things about life that I don’t know about. So, in closing like I also close by take care of yourself and make sure that you take care of the others around you. That is the most important thing at the end of the day… Be good and until next time many blessings to you…
I learned today from my friend that life is full of wonder and it is also full of things that sometimes you don’t want to get out of bed for. And I thought that was kind of funny actually. But I learned today that my health is getting weaker and weaker as the days go on and today I learned that my body is no longer going to be able to eat food. For I hit the limits for anything more going in my throat at this time. I have to go back to the doctors and figure out what the next steps are going to be for me.
I know one thing is that my attitude is doing well at this time but my physical side of things is a little bit different for the food is just not working out anymore at this time. I know that there could be feeding tubes as a choice or maybe another surgery in the near future but I am going to be talking about this all with the doctors soon.
But lets get off my physical health here for a minute and lets talk about today in the sense of how things are really going. I had a good talk with my friend today and we talked about our life and where are we going with them. My friend and myself have been really close like for over 32 years. But the funny thing is when we talk it was like being there 32 years ago. I mean what a true friend this man has been for me over my years. I mean we seen a lot together and I mean a lot. But today we talked about getting old and what that means to us. And we talked about what we need to live behind as well. And that might seem crazy but we are all going to leave back something when we die. I always say what kind of legacy to you want to be remembered by? I mean what happens after death really no one comes back and tells us, but we like to think a bunch of things happen. I would hope that my daughter would want to remember me for the side of how I helped people in my life and that I gave everything to people that even had nothing in the end. That is how my legacy wants to be remember that I gave everything I could to the people around me.
I mean there is a lot of me that you don’t know and that is okay actually. I mean I want to remain unanimous when that time happens. But talking to my friend it just made me think about everything and that after death we all are remembered by memories that we made with others or that we are in photographs for our families to remember us by as well. But the point off this all is that we really have to remember that we are not going to live forever and that life is going to take us all. I know that you can not be prepared for death, and that is why we must make the best out of the days we have ahead of us. And for my friend of 32 years he told me that life has gone so much faster then it did when we were in our twenties, and I could not argue with that comment at all. Life seems to be moving faster and faster and that is no lie for sure. And I know that there is so much more I want to do in my life and I am thinking I need to get this health thing nipped in the but this year. I mean almost half of this month is escaping us. But I am going to do my best to staying positive and moving forward.
I know that I sound like a broken record here, but then again I am here to write this down so that I don’t forget the rules of life either. And to me that is what this is about in the end, it is about making the best of each day, and helping the people that want to be helped. And in closing it is time for me to go get my treatment, and with this said I know that this post did not make sense but know that I am here trying to give it all that I can in my life and that is all I can ask myself at the end of the day. But until then you take care of yourself and take care of the people around you as well…
Another day is almost over for me and the funny thing is that today was the fastest day in my life in so many ways, I was so busy running around and getting things done. I went even to the grocery store and met a really nice lady. I mean she was 94 years old and we had a great time talking as we were checking out. And she asked me why I am eating so healthy and that a young man like myself should be eating pizzas and candy and just junk. And I smiled at her and said the old me would be eating all the wrong things, and then I told her about my pancreas and liver failure. And she was so surprised by me in the store shopping. She was like talking to an angel that I walked out with her and helped her with unloading her groceries in her car. And we talk for like 30 minutes or so, and what I learned by talking to her was that she suffered a lot of pain, that she had children and they all died before she did, and that she was married for over 60 years and then her husband die a few years ago and she has been lonely seen that. I asked her what she was living for, and she replied to me that she was living because God told her that it was not her time to go and that she had a lot of things to do before she departed for heaven. I just stood back and smiled knowing that she was a happy soul. And then she asked me about what my plans were with my health and I told her that I am going to fight this and win, and she asked me not to do this alone and I told her that I have someone watching me that I met on this blog, and she was telling me that being alone is not something you want to wish upon yourself.
That being alone can lead to a lot of strange things in your life and she said to me take it from me I have lost everything. I outlived my family and my children and all my friends, I go to a nursing home and I have the staff take care of me 7 days a week and she said that it’s not the same at all. I told her about my friend and how close she was to me, but we will always remain good friends and that she is struggling with her mother dying. And this gentle soul of an old lady told me that to tell this friend that life has a funny way of doing things and not to let the things stop you from growing yet. And I asked her what that really meant, and she replied you tell your friend that loosing a mother is a rough thing, but what is rougher then that is that you might not be able to recover after what she has done to you mentally as that person. See I know being a mother is a hard thing, and that sometimes we make the right things happen and then at times we do not make the right decisions at all. But you tell your friend that you will see her again, and that you have to find peace within yourself, because your not going to find that in your mother. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself you have to be at peace with yourself first.
I said that was some wise words, and that I would share this on the blog today so that my tiger spirit can see that I am doing the best I can for her with her mother. And the thing you have to remember tiger spirit if your reading this that we are all in this together. This blog these people on this blog have feelings and that we will do anything asked to helping another person with the problems that they are facing.
I have learned there is a lot of support here in this blog, and that we are a family in the end of this. I learned that every time I come here and speak from my heart that someone else is listening and reading this and that there heart is going to come out and say the right things to me when I am in the struggles in my life. I mean this lady today taught me a lot about myself in the sense of what we need to do in this life. And to me this lady lost everything and she keeps moving forward, and I am sure she is carrying a lot of struggles with her knowing she lost all her family and friends, but the part that gets me is that she has a strong spirit. And I have to remember that it is a strong spirit that gets you by nothing else is going to get you to the finish line.
So in closing, my tiger spirit I pray that you find peace in your heart soon and learn that your life is even going to be stronger with the people here on this blog and that your loved by so many that words can not describe that feeling. I know that we are not the ones that raised you like your parents did, but damn it in the end we are that family you need to keep pushing forward. Trust me if it was not for you I would of not made it this far in my treatment, I would of been dead already. But it was your spirit that helped me get through my pains and you will continue to always being there like you are and thank you for that strength in your times of current pain. But until then be good to yourself and the other around you. And like I said go talk to someone and be surprised what you may find out about them as well. Many blessings and until next time be good…
Well, I went out and made a big purchase today and that was a new computer. I spent a total of $2432.44 and to me that is a lot for a new Mac. But I can not complain at the same time here for my old computer which was a Mac I got over 7 years on it, and the keys were all worn off to where you could not even tell what key you were hitting anymore. So, that was my big gift for myself for the year! But I am sitting here getting all the stuff on to the new computer and to me that is a slow process. But I will not complain one big here. I just am happy to have something that will not loose any data at least for awhile. But to get 7 years out of my old Mac was pretty damn good if you ask me. But I wanted to tell you that when I was picking it up the man that help me make the big decision was pretty neat, I will tell you that he was blind and that he could not see anything, and to me that was a big surprise in the sense that I would never seen that coming when it comes to computers.
Being blind did not stop him from helping me and the best part of the story he was not always blind he was in the war and that he lost his eye sight during a combat mission in Iraq. He was 28 years and he was strong in his mind set. And the more I was talking to him he asked me if I served and I told him yes I did, and that we all have our experiences when it comes to loosing someone that was close to us. And he also asked me about my life and what it was about, and I told him that we are here to talk about computers not my life, but then again I will tell you that he could sense things more then I ever could. I mean he could sense things like emotions and I will tell you for not seeing he was good at the emotional side of it. The reason I bring this up is because never judge a book by it’s cover and I was not doing that at all actually I was more surprised that he could read me for not seeing me.
But I was in the store for over 2 hours more then I wanted, but in the end this man was amazing in the sense of his strength and I was looking at him and telling myself that I am going to take that and put that to who I am, I might be broken with my health but at least I have my eyes for seeing yet. So, in closing what a big day, I got a new gift called a computer, but I got even a bigger gift then the computer I took the time out of my life to talk to a man that was blind and I learned a lot about who I was with in that mans soul. I just wanted to tell you that people come into your life for a reason and I think my reason today that this man was there for me to tell myself that it is really going to be okay and to keep fighting and keep moving forward no matter what happens in the end. So with tat said you take care of yourself and then go out there and meet someone that you could make a difference with…
What day that if anything could go wrong it did go wrong. But the main thing is that I am still alive to enjoy the mystery of what God has for me yet in my journey that I call life. I am sitting here trying to express what I feel this evening and there is so much pent up stuff in my stomach for me to begin to tell you it all. I know that I don’t make a lot of sense but on the other hand I am okay knowing that. I feel like I come to this computer to sit here and write about nothing that makes any sense to the people that are reading this and even myself for that matter. But I find this to be the best therapy since I can just write what I feel about myself and there really isn’t anyone in the room other then the dog looking at me. But I will tell you today that my body was in a fighting mode. Which means I am struggling to eat the simple things in life like rice or a piece of bread without it coming out in a bad way. My weight continues to go down and more and more people around me are noticing the changes in my body. But I am trying to figure out how to survive another day with out something bad happening to my body. Isn’t that crazy that I have to waste this much time on learning to survive when there are people out there in this world not even thinking for a second about what they want to eat or drink.
I mean I will tell you that it is a miracle that you can eat. When you have a problem like I have and your body is fighting itself it becomes more and more a problem that no one wants to deal with. I mean you would think that the simple things would help me and yet they are having a hard time finding my stomach. I mean I am strong, but my mind is so tired of trying to balance itself out when it comes to this problem. I want to be normal, I want to eat a piece of cake without worrying if it is going to kill me or not. I would love to eat some steak and eggs and even some fresh fruit. But my body is in a living hell because my pancreas and liver will not balance out enough for me to eat a good meal. I mean I hope that this never happens to any of you that are reading this post. I mean be blessed what it is front of you, and be blessed that your doing the simple things I can’t at this time. There is nothing easy about being me. I used to be happy and run around with energy helping the people that needed to be helped. And here I am wishing for some miracle when there are many others in a worse situation then I am in.
But what else can I say then I will fight this fight and keep moving harder and harder forward into this battle with my health. Another note today is that I lost a close friend to suicide and that is pulling on my tug strings a bit tonight. One of the nicest guys you would ever say you would want to meet. And then you get news and your life is changed forever at that point. I mean what causes things like this, I mean he is leaving a family behind with three daughters. I mean I been low in my life and I just know that it is not fun getting that low in your life to thinking about doing something like this. I been there, trust me I been there. This man was in the military served his country well and three tours over seas and then comes back to the hell in his head. And to me that is the worse part that I wished that I would of called him more to check in with him, but then life get busy and then you tend to forget to check in. I mean we served together and I wish I had that one last chance to saying good bye to him. But I will be in contact with the family tomorrow and see if there is anything I can do. What a blow to the family for sure, and his children are like little angels running around just miracles to watch.
I mean what a day, but I will tell you that I will march forward knowing that the good Lord has my back in this battle. But I will write more later for I am crying and I just need to walk away from this. Until then take care of yourself and the others around you…
Well it is the evening time here and I though that I would write one last thought on this blog of mine. And that thought I had was that everything is in motion and we are not suppose to stop the motions of the spirits and the world as it is meant to be this way. Very confusing you might say to yourself but on the other hand really not that confusing at all. I have a close friend that is struggling with her mother at this time, and it is wearing on her in ways that it can. And I been telling my friend to take it easy and to just take things as they come. But when your in the heat of the moment sometimes people do not want to hear what your saying. I know that she is listening to me, but I am worried that in the end there is nothing that she is going to do when it comes to her mother. And to me I worry because she is throwing a lot of energy into this, and of coarse anyone would do this for there parents with no questions asked. But to me I know one thing is that what ever is going to happen it is going to happen. And I know that she is praying for a miracle that her mother will turn around for the better before the after light comes and takes her from her. I know one thing is that she is the strongest friend that I know on the planet. I mean this she is strong and she takes no prisoners at the end of the day. For she knows what she wants from this world. But being strong sometimes brings in the weakness as well. And this is the part that I am worried about, for the sense that maybe her mother will never change, and she is going to be okay either way here for I know this person really well. But I want to tell her that put your time into things you have control over but I can not do this for she is going to help her mother like she should help her.
The problem with life is that it is going to do a lot of mean things, and life will take what it wants to take at the end of the day. And no matter how hard you try life is going to make it’s own rules in the end. I say to this that you have to let the things be in motion for your not going to stop those things. Your not going to stop what the powers above are going to do. I am learning that for the first time in my life that I have no control in the sense like I think I do. There are things in life that your not going to win, and one of them is death. No one has come back from the dead to tell you what happens. With that said you make the best of what you can and sometimes it is the simplest things that will pull you through them, and sometimes nothing helps, not even a dish of cold ice cream. In my case with the ice cream that always wins my heart. But getting back to my point, I know that I have no control over my friend and her mother, and for this I have to take my own medicine here and realize that I have to let the powers above do what they are going to do for her. I know that there is a lot of pain with her, for I sense that all the way here in my office. And I am smart and I been around the world in my life in the sense of seeing a lot of things. But I know one thing is for sure, I know I will be there for her no matter what, and that is what friends do! I know one thing is that she will find closure in what she is looking for in her mother. I know this because she is a fighter like none other that I have ever seen in my life.
In closing, I wanted to tell my tiger spirit this, hang in there for better is coming. And I know that seems like it might not happen fast enough, but I do know that your going to find peace with this, and that peace is only for you to know at this time. But do not waste the time in the sense of wasting all your energy on the things you have no control over. Make sure you stay strong for yourself in the end. And with that said I am going to be with you ever step of the way even though I will be here there will not be a day that will go by that I will continue to send my energy to you. And with this said tiger I hope your roar is so loud that this world hears your prayers… Be safe on your journey and know that your never alone in it, with that said be good to yourself and then be good to the others around you…
Well it is snowing and I mean like up to 14 inches of snow in some of the areas today where I am at. We had nothing for snow fall, so that is good that we are getting some overdue snow in the area today. I am at my desk working hard with the business that I own and run and today I was thinking about the time I never get to take off and go do anything fun. I hope that maybe if I am feeling better that I can change those things for me. Working so hard takes away the pain I am feeling on the inside of me. But sitting at work in my office and looking at the snow I feel like I am sitting where I need to be at this time. Hard to explain the emotions of what I am feeling, and I try here on this blog and I feel like I never make any sense or better yet that I can’t get the words out that I am trying to say to you. I know that I use this blog for therapy for myself, and sometimes that is a good thing and then sometimes I feel like what the hell am I doing this for anyways. But in the end that does not matter because it is my thoughts on paper and no one else.
As I sit am sitting here I am watching the birds as they sit in the trees. And I am always curious to see what they are thinking as the snow covers the ground once again. I know the birds can see me through my window and they are all puffed up with their feathers trying to stay warm as well. I find nature to be amazing thing. We have to live with the animals outside of our warm and cozy places, and then to my thinking outside the box I am wonder what the heck it is that they are thinking.
But I guess I better get back to work here the phone been ringing off the hook and I know that is business waiting for me on that end. Just wanted to drop a short note and tell you that life is going to be okay today, and that I will be making the best of it. So with that said be good to each other and the people around you…
Well today I am sitting here at my desk looking out the window and asking myself where do I go next in my journey with my life. As you been reading my blog and posts you can sense that I am dealing with a lot of issues and one of the major issues is been my health. And for me to say this that I am scared, well I would like to say that I am not, but I can lie about my feelings for what I am feeling lately. I know there is a wave of emotions going through me at this time, and I know that being strong is the only option I have at this time, but I will tell you that it is hard being strong all the time here. I want to feel what I am feeling, but if I do that then I will fall more into a depression with my health and the state of what I am really dealing with. My sugar levels are low which are causing me to feel so lightheaded and then there is the nausea part of this problem as well. Feeling like your going to puke all the time does not help either and then there is the factor of what to eat and not to eat. My body is starving all the time due to me either puking it up or it comes out the other way with out being gross here. So, with these problems I know that it is messing with my mind set as well. I am sure that my brain is feeling like it needs energy to keep making me think straight here. All I can do is keep putting my faith into the system and hope for that miracle that my pancreas and liver will recover.
Then there is the part of being scared, why should I be scared, I mean this is no big deal right? I mean millions of people are going through what I am going through and if not worse here right? I mean why should I be any different then anyone else that is going through this. Then I find out that everyone that has been dealing with this is handling this in so many different ways then I can describe to you. No one is the same at all. Everybody handles things differently then I would ever think. So, I have to keep telling myself that I need to just take things slow and figure it out. And that is what I am going to be doing is sitting tonight looking out my window at the stars and moon and asking for the spirits to help me with this feeling of being down. I do not like this feeling and I don’t want to seem like that I am not strong when I am trying to be as strong as I can.
I never had that chance when I was growing up to be a kid, I had to take on responsibility at the age of 7 due to my mother being out of control with her life in the sense of the drugs and drinking problems she had. I remember many times waking her up so that she could get to work so that we did not have to get kicked out of the apartment that we were living in due to my mother not making the rent checks. So, that is one of many thousands of stories I have about not having the time to take things easy at all in my life. When there is a time for me to sit and tell myself that it is really going to be okay? I mean I don’t have my own life here, I have my seven year old daughters life in my hands too. And that is a responsibility that I would never want taken away from me. I am glad that she is in my life, at the moment I am afraid that she will be alone in this life if my health does not start to change for the better here. I hide a lot to what I feel these days for I don’t want people to worry about me.
I just have to figure out what the best thing is for me at this time of my life and try to do something with it. I think that is why I say that nothing is easy in life, and that is why I tell the people who read this blog this for a reason, that I do not want you to live in the same hell that I am currently living in. I mean it is hard for me to wake up, and it is hard for me to move most of my days, and I am not giving up on myself, I am trying to figure out where is the break in my life. I want that break so that I can readjust myself better so that I can deal with things easier. I mean there is no reason for me to think less like this when the world is a great place to live in when your head is straight enough to enjoy it.
In closing this post, I will remain strong as I can for I do not want to come off my horse and settle for less. I need to be strong for my daughter and the people around me. With that said please take care of yourself and the people around you…
Well, I am back with more of my thoughts and I wanted to talk about feeling alone and how that makes me feel lately and I wanted to see if anyone else is feeling the same about what I am going to say here. Well, I never felt that life was going to take me into some many directions after you loose so much in your life. Well what have I lost? I mean I know that I have to explain a little bit here, and I lost my best friend in the world eight years ago coming up this year, to many friends that I served with in the Army. I know that it might not sound like that is to much, but when you been where I been in my life it has been a lot, and too much to all handle when your doing this recovery yourself for so very long. Yes, I have a few friends, but they have there lives to worry about in the end as well. I never thought that after so much gone from my life that it was going to be this hard. I know growing up no one ever told me that it was going to be easy. I worked for everything I have today, and I know that it is not about the materials or objects that I have, it is more then that for me. This life for me I been fighting for, and I really don’t know why at times I fight it this hard. The will to live is something I thought I would be doing alone, I mean my health has been a plague to me for over a year. And I know one thing is that I wish that this was behind me. There is no cure of what I am dealing with when it comes to dealing with pancreatic issues and liver issues. I mean I do not drink or smoke or do no drugs of any sort. And yet I am battling for my life everyday. And how is that fair to me when I have all these things in my way.
But this is not about a pity party for myself, for I know that there are people dying tonight in hospital beds through out this whole country. And with knowing that sometimes that makes it easy and then there is times that it is not that easy. I mean I try to tell myself that love makes the world go around, and I still am searching for that love to enter and to love me for who I am in the end. This is not about me hurrying trying to find it, I do believe it will find me when I am ready for it. I am still broken man here, and for love to truly happen you have to find that peace in your heart to let go and then you have to take them chances for better to happen for you. I just do not know for sure where the love is going to come from, and that does not worry me. What worries me the most is that am I going to find it before I die? That is truly the bigger question here. I know one thing is that I have to find closure yet in my heart for things in the past. And sometimes you never find closure, but you have to find that peace in knowing that you really gave it all in the end here. And I don’t know if I have giving it really all I have yet.
I know there are people that are going to read this post, and of the people that are following me at this time, make sure and do me a favor and that favor is to take the time out of your life and tell that person you love that you truly love them. I mean you might not ever get that chance again ever. I mean tomorrow is a new day and there is no guarantees that your going to live through it. And I mean this. Take it from me, the love of my life is gone, and there is not a day that does not go by that I wished that I had one more chance of making that difference in her life. I know one thing that life keeps moving on no matter what in the end.
Being lonely in my life in the sense of things makes you stronger as well. But I know one thing is that we are not suppose to be alone in this life, and that life has a funny way of showing these things. But in the end of this post, I will get over this emotion of feeling this way, and I know one thing is for sure that tomorrow is a new day and that means one thing and that one thing is that I will have the chance to making things better for myself if I let that happen. But until then you take care of yourself and just know to take care of the others around you as well…