Last full day of March…

Well this is the last day of March and I can’t believe that my post is about the last day of this month already. Hard to believe that the time keeps moving so very fast. Well, spring is upon us here in this State of Wisconsin. The temps are going to be in the middle 60’s all weekend long and I think that is a great start to the beginning of April. But, this month what can I say about it, I survive two surgeries and I have made a few close friends this month in the sense of what I have all gone through as far as the health is going. One of them is very close in the sense of walking that trail with me on the path, and the other close one that I have is in New York and that she will be coming home soon after graduation from college. I am so proud of my sister I can’t even begin to tell you the words that I am feeling about her in the sense of how proud as a brother I really am of her. I know that we are close and yet we are 20 years apart in age, but I find it like she been my age the whole time of knowing her in the sense of how she has grown to be an amazing sister and even better yet an amazing woman.

Just know in the end I wanted to say that I hope that April will be many great memories for all that are around me. I mean I hope that everyone out there will have a great month without to many struggles in there life. I know that I have been an open book so far since I have been on this blog, and I will continue to keep being real here, and I know that a lot of things that I will still get off my back as the days goes on. I find this blog really a helpful tool in my life lately,. The few people that I have met on here have been angels in there own regards, and yet these two people that I know that have been through a lot in there life, but they still take the time to check in with me. I call these two people on here my friends, but yet on the other hand I feel like they are my family in the end, because they know everything about me in the sense of what I am going through here in my life. And I will keep taking these people on my journey with me as long as they can keep up with me on the trail. There is my tiger and there is my panther that have been my best of friends on this journey, and I wanted to give you both a warm hug for taking the time to helping me see things at times of my life, and then also to make me think outside the box as well when it comes to the issues at hand here.

So, in closing good-bye March 2017!

I will miss you in the sense of what you taught me, and what you taught me was to keep moving forward in my life no matter what happens, and to keep the people in your life the closest as you can because in the end these are the people that you are going to need the most in your life. And March if I can say, I hope when you return in 2018, that you will be more kinder to me in the sense of my health, and my family and my friends for that matter. So, off to April we go and in the end be good to each other and the people around you at all times. And to always remember to dream of the better days to come…

Cloudy day again in many ways…

Well another round of rain and snow to be hitting the area later today. I know that I always talk a little bit about the weather, and that reason is because the four seasons are just as important as the animal spirits around you at this time. The animal spirits need all four seasons to survive as well. But today was a very hard day for me in so many ways. I mean I lost a great friend in my life, and she was a very great person to me in the 15 plus years that I have known her. Death is a really hard thing to get your head around, and I don’t care at what age you are, everyone just handles death so differently. I mean I am so numb at this time, and I don’t really know why I am so numb to be honest with you. I mean I should be showing more emotions and I just can’t at this time. And there are times in my life that I wish I had a person in it that I could sit with and have coffee or tea and just talk about what happens in my life. But I am still okay with that, I know that God has a plan for me at some point in my life. It’s sometimes really hard to sit and wait for his plans to unfold at times.

But, then my daughter comes to me in the times of trouble and asks me about simple things that are going on in her big life. And at the time I wasn’t wanted to hear about the things of my daughters life. But then it dawn on me about what she was talking about, and she was talking about a friend that she played with on the playground and she got sick and had to go to the ER. And I asked her how she was feeling about it, and she looked at me and she said that she felt bad and sad about it. And I asked her do you want to talk more about it, and she looked at me again, and told me that she told me this story because I needed to know that I wasn’t the only one that was hurting at this time of your life. And I didn’t know what to think or say, and my daughter also said to me that we have to pray when it’s the hardest to pray. And I remember always telling her this from time to time. And it just surprises me that she remembers all these little talks we had.

It’s okay to feel the feelings of what your going through, but you have to remember that life does move on and the sooner you find peace at what going on in your heart, the better you are going to be for everyone else. And my daughter needed me that afternoon, and I needed my daughter for that matter too. I realized that I am not the only one that can feel this way. The whole world is feeling a pain from something. I mean my daughter, I could I not love her for her unconditional love for me. And I am proud that she is where she is in this life.

See who ever thought that a coyote and a crane would be on that path at the same time. I mean coyotes are an animal that shows a lot of compassion in the times of trouble in someone else life. And this crane learned a lot more respect to what the coyote was teaching me this day. It’s okay crane to feel all the pain you need to feel, but in the end I need you on this path with you. For you have things to teach me yet, and I have so much to offer to you as well. I find these stories of my life so amazing. Who would of thought that many years later that my daughter would be that coyote. I mean I never thought less of her, but she taking on an animal that has something to say to this world, and I could not be any prouder of her then I am now.

So in closing, today is about me just getting my head wrapped around the news at this time. But more importantly it is still living life at the same time here in the end. That coyote spirit needs me more than anything in this world, and one thing is that this crane is going to be flying away soon. Until then take care of each other and learn to look for them small miracles in your day. You never know what will show up if you believe…

Bringing out the spirit of who you are…

Well, I am off to sitting here at my desk again and I am thinking about things when I look out my window today, and I was thinking about how fast the time is moving lately. I mean we are almost a quarter of the year done already. I mean hard to believe tomorrow will be the last full week of March. I mean April is knocking on the door and I am praying for many miracles for everyone out there that is looking for them miracles, even if they are big or even small for that matter. We have to hold on to something, that is what keeps us alive. I mean there has to be purpose in your life, and sometimes I know that people question that purpose, but is it for us to be questioning at this time?

My daughter was asking me about coyotes again the other day, and she asked me why isn’t the coyote one of the five animals daddy? And you know that is a really good question I thought to myself, because I remember asking Master many years ago why isn’t the lion in the group at a younger age as well. And Master with his very few smiles looked at me and said the lion is part of the circle, and just because we don’t focus on the lion doesn’t mean the lion isn’t focusing on us. Now that’s a lot to take in when you think about it. I mean I never understood three quarters of his stories and then it always hits you many years later. And the answer, came to me when my daughter asked me about coyotes and why they aren’t part of this group either.

See, lions or coyotes or any outside animal you choose is part of the circle. For the five animals always look to the outside of the circle they have to. I mean just like us, we have family and we have friends. But there is more than family and friends, there are powers in the world that are needed to be addressed as to when it comes to living in this world. The world is a great big place, and we have to learn to all co-exist with each other. But the coyote comes into the group I believe and throws his experiences of his life into the circle with the other five animals. For the coyotes watches these five animals and realizes that there is much more in this life that is at stake here if I can’t take something from one of the five here.

If the coyote comes and asks the crane where is the food sources today, the crane just could fly off, or the crane could communicate with the coyote and tell him that the food your looking for is at the pond, but remember coyote this isn’t all about you getting food either, you take care of the animals around you as well. I mean sure a coyote could kill the crane, but there are reasons why even the animal kingdom does what it wants to do. I would like to think that we all can learn from each other even in the worse times. Master was always good that way. He was always about giving people a chance in this life, but then again after you would hurt Master like three times or more, he became that tiger or dragon and he would force you to do something out of your normal life. Master was always good about bringing the right spirit out at the right times in my life for sure, and others that came before me as well.

So, just remember that there is so much more in this world that we really know, and always let others into your circle. Yes, that seems crazy since a lot of people are not like this, but then again there are people like myself that can be like my Master and give those people chances to show there compassion not to just me but others. That is the most important thing, is there a lion or coyote in these people that I come across, I believe that there is, and I am sure that there is dolphins and spider people out there too for that matter. There is a reason why the animal kingdom is set up the way it truly is, I will let you ponder that thought to why that is that way. We have to learn to stay focused with the great people around us, and yet at the same time there are people that are wanting to get to your circle so that they can find comfort as well.

I will end this by saying I found out that Master was right again, it just took me 22 years to figuring out this story. But my daughter was that puzzle piece that completed it for me. And even if my daughter has the coyote spirit in her, she can teach this crane how maybe to be a better hunter for food, and yet at the same time she can show me what love and compassion is from her circle of life as well…

A walk with the snake…

Well, I was thinking about a lot of things the past few days and clearing my thoughts to what has been going on these few months. And I came across a memory that I had when I was studying the art. My master first was teaching about the snake and it’s importance to this world. And I remember doing katas with Master. And kata is form work that you do. For example there are over 40 different katas in my style. Not included weapon katas. But kata is important because it teaches you the moves over and over that you can do these things in your sleep. But more importantly when it comes to the fight, you just don’t think anymore you just do it with out any problems, because you do these katas for over years and years and then they just become ingrained in your head. You kind of feel like a Jedi after awhile because you can study someone so much that you see the weaknesses in the body. And believe me I have a lot of weaknesses and I was training I got my butt handle to me a million times over and over. But anyways katas are a form of training that marital artist do. So a snake kata for example might have 20 moves or 60 moves to it depending on the form that is needed to protect the snake. When you do these forms you look like a snake doing them, but the most important thing is that you feel the spirit of the snake in your blood as well. I am more a crane person to be honest, but I need to work on the snake forms as well or my crane techniques can get weak. Remember all 5 animals need each other in the end to survive in this world.

So, I got way off coarse with my story here, but I do remember working these snake forms and Master was getting mad at me because I kept looking him in the eye when we were working these snake forms. And Master stopped me and had a very important talk to me that I will never forget. He told me never to look at your enemy in the eyes, for the snake thinks he is looking into your eyes, but instead the snake is looking at every part of your body to put his fangs into you so that he can kill you with his venom. That is how the snake works. And I remember asking I thought we always look each other in the eyes, and Master says as humans yes it’s a sign of respect but in the animal kingdom is serves no purpose what so ever. And as you see people in this world there are a lot of snake people out there that will never look you in the eyes, and does are the people that need you the most in the end. It’s not about that they are weak, it’s about that they have something to bring to the table.

And I asked Master what was that they had to bring to that table, and Master told me when I first came to the dojo at the age of 7 that all I did was look at the floor that I could never look him into the eyes until many years later of training. But Master said to me I brought you to my table and you became more than a student to me, you became my family and dear closest friend in the end. I remember smiling at him and I said to him, really I was a floor looker and he reply, lets get back to the training.

That was my best memories of what I learned from my Master is the snake has it ways in this life of showing things and bringing things to the table. Not all snake are deadly as you think, and there is a powerful purpose to why these 5 animals all got together in the end. So, I want to question who ever read this today, what kind of snake spirit is in you? And what things are you going to do in the sense of helping other snake spirits around you? I know one thing for sure this crane will always have my 4 other animals with me at all times. Someone asked me years ago, why do you train? I train in the art so that I never have to ever use these forms or katas. That is why I train. I will let you think about that answer for awhile and find that hidden message of what’s in that message. But until then take care of yourself and the others around you today.

I will keep bringing more of these stories out as the days come and pass. I find it important that Master spirit can live in all of us not just one person…

The rain is coming…

Well it will begin tonight and I mean the word I am saying is rain. We are going to be in a huge rain band until Tuesday which means I should buy some lumber and start to build and ark. I mean isn’t that what Noah did? But the problem with Noah was he knew it was going to last forty days and forty nights. I mean I am only talking like maybe 5 days total of rain, and not 40. But when you see that you wanted to get things done in the next 5 days it just not going to happen for me. And I know that tiger is saying you better not be over working yourself here crane. And to tell you the truth tiger, I am excited about getting back on the horse here and getting things done in my life that have been missing for over seven months or more here. But then again I think that the rain is coming for a reason to, and to me I think that the power of the spirit is telling me to rest by the fire and sit with the dogs and look out the window with some hot green tea, and just watch the power of mother nature and how she will work her magic on the cleansing of this world.

I know tiger your thinking maybe to yourself that I might be on to something here, and that something I am thinking is that it’s okay to take things easy for awhile. I mean I did have a lot of issues with my health, and again taking things slow is just as good as the rain coming out of the sky. Mother nature can teach me a few things about who I am as a person. And I need to listen to her at times in my life here. Sometimes it’s hard when you want to get things done here.

Okay, I didn’t know where I was going with my speech of the evening I kind of got off the topic of where I was really going this evening. But I am truly okay with that I am. I mean that is life for me these days. But in the end of this post, the rain is still coming and I need to take things easy this weekend. And let me tell that it is harder to be patience with my crane spirit. I want to fly again, and I know that my wings are broken yet, and they are healing, but I have great people in my life telling me to push forward in everything we do. And when things get the hardest it’s okay to take things easy as in having that cup of warm tea and looking out the window and telling yourself that your life is going to be okay as this storm will pass over you.

Last note I have hit a new low of depression here in the last week more than the whole seven months of going through all of what I have gone through. It was hard to omit that I had a serious health issues this past week, and to tell you the truth I am scared, and I am not scared of what people think of me, I just want to be happy again and find that comfort in everyday things again. And lately I haven’t found any of this easy at all for me. I mean that is why I want to work hard again to take my mind off my depression, and when I am working I do not think of this things that have been following me around like a shadow. I know that I have the strength to getting over this depression, it’s just when is that question I have to ask myself. Just like the rain coming these next few days. I really don’t want it to come, but it is good for the rain to be coming because even when mother nature cries she knows that the answers come out in the tears of the rain.

And maybe, that is what I need to do is just cry this weekend, maybe that is what I need to do is follow mother natures advise with this rain as she is crying to pouring out her heart to this world. I need to just listen to the rain and find that peace that I have been truly looking for in the end. So with all these feelings in my soul, I am so sorry that this post was all over the place this evening. But I had to bleed these feelings out for myself. And sorry if this doesn’t make any sense to anyone out there. I found some relief in doing this. And tiger I am glad your still hanging in there for me in this rough time. This crane can’t thank the love and the words that you have shown for me. With this said, may you find what your looking for in the rain, because you never know what the drops just might be telling you in the end. Take care and many blessings…

Back at home with the dogs…

Well it is good to be home and away from the hospital. I never thought I was ever going to leave that place I mean first taking out my gallbladder then taken a small piece of my liver. I mean I never thought I was ever going to get to the end of this darkness. I can’t say this enough you have no idea it is nice to sit in front of my computer and look out my window and seeing the dogs playing in this sunshine for the last day since we are going to be getting over 5 inches of rain in the next few days starting tomorrow afternoon at some point. But anyways, let it rain I say, it’s just nice again to be home where I belong at this time.

I have a few people to thank in this post and the first one is my sister, she is my panther she is my best friend for life. She would check in from time to time with me and she never gives up on this life no matter what has to happen. She is my panther spirit because panthers are very distance, but when you need them they are there for you. The spirit of the panther is something that takes time to understanding. I mean panthers are beautiful in nature, but they can be one of the deadliest animals on the planet as well. Remember the four animals need each other as well as the dragon in the end. But, this isn’t about a lesson in the panther this is a lesson to teach me that my family is always there for me in the end.

So, the next thank you is to my friend that one day down the road that I hope to meet and that is my tiger spirit. And she knows who she is when she will read this post in excitement that I am home safe where I belong. Tiger what can I really say about you? I mean we never met, and I felt like that I have known your spirit for a life time here. I mean we are closer than close here, and for this I couldn’t be anymore thankful for all your uplifting words to me in the past few months and present for that matter.

You tiger where the first one that I reached out to, and I never thought that our friendship would of gotten us this far in the 3 months of knowing each other. With that said I hope you can feel my broken right wing around your warm fur and know that this hug is about everything we have gone through together as a team here. Thank you tiger, and with this said it’s time to give my dogs a warm hug and tell them how much they are loved in this world.

 

Waking up once again…

Well, I’m awake and I’m still in the hospital yet waiting what they are still going to do with me at this point. I’m very weak and have so much nausea I can’t believe that I’m still nauseated yet to be honest with you. But one can hope that I’m on the right road here at least with my health. It’s been a long road indeed but sitting here typing this on my phone is better than being dead.

But one second at a time my master would tell me if he was alive. But my panther and tiger spirits are still with me at this time I see. And I’m thankful for having them in my life. My wings are still crippled yet but one day soon I hope to be flying down that path with these closest friends that mean the world to me. Tiger if your out there thank you from the bottom of this heart of mine for not giving up, and panther I love you with all my heart because you been a sister like no other to me in my life.

In closing I will try to give better updates and things come to light here. Tiger I stretch my wing out to you and feel my love for you as well. Off to some more sleep I go now. Until next time love one another….

Surgery is the new word…

Well being in the ER for over 6 hours now has told me that my problems went from minor to major here in this short time. They are going to be removing my gallbladder and part of my liver that has been infected for quite some time. There are a lot of risks involved with these two organs alone. Then the third thing that is major is my pancreas.

They as in the medical staff are going to look and see when they first tore the pancreas what the scar tissues is really doing. Three weeks ago in a process of working on my liver they tore part of the pancreas. Well off coarse that did not help the problem at hand. But anyways three major organs, with three major problems.

So, they will be removing part of the liver and gallbladder first then coming in behind they will scope out the pancreas to see what’s really going on. My body has been fighting this over 7 months and counting here.

But in the end, I will try my hardest here at the hospital to write a quick post to letting you know what’s going on from time to time. Am I scared you might be asking yourself? Well that would be a big yes due to having such a major surgery. But my tiger spirit if your out there, this white crane is going to fight the hardest fight of its life. And I hope this all goes to plan. So that we can keep walking down this path together in the end of things here….

But until next time like I always say take care of yourself and the others around you…

Walking with my friend…

Well back in the hospital once again. Round 17 since beginning of January. Hard to believe I had 17 ER runs in, but I also have almost 28 days of being in the hospital as well being under the nurses and doctors care. Found out that they spent a total over 890,000 dollars on me, and the weirdest part of all that money spend I still don’t have a clear path to what is really going on with my liver and pancreatic issues at hands here.

This crane has been wounded badly. And I’m getting to the point if I’m ever going to fly again straight here. I feel so lost for words at this time. I know my tiger and snake and panther friends are still with me. And I know that meeting that special tiger coming on to WordPress has been a true blessing. I have walked this trail with my tiger friend lately and she keeps telling me to be strong.

Well I’m at my levels that I can’t be strong like this all the time. I’m fighting the fight with this health and all that keeps happening to me is that I’m getting more and more sick as the days go by here. I’m loosing weight like 35 pounds in the last three weeks. To eating really small meals. And been trying my hardest to staying alive here.

I just want to thank my special friend that tiger out there for being along with me as we walked down some dark paths. And what I keep learning from my tiger friend is not to give up yet. Well tiger if your reading this, I can honestly tell you I have never been so scared lately of all this stuff that has happened to me. And I’m so glad that your hear with me in spirit. 

With this all said, again feel the love that I share with you when again and wrap my wings around your warm fur. And just know if this is the end of the road depending what they find out, just know that I will always be apart of this incredible friendship we have built together in the short time of knowing you.. 

But let’s not worry to soon, and let’s keep walking down that path together no matter what happens in the end….

Middle of March…

Well another day on the horizon here and I’m waking up a little later than normal here. I guess I needed to sleep a little longer then normal here due to my body needed it at this time. But it’s Thursday and I was thinking to myself about how fast the weeks are moving lately.  I mean it just passed the middle of March already. And to me that seems so unreal at times just thinking about it.

But then again time is time and it’s going to move no matter what we think of do. As we do get older the faster it seems to come and go. And our bodies start to age differently for sure in the sense that we aren’t 18 anymore. And boy my mind feels like it’s 18 but my body is telling me different for sure here.

I guess in the end I am going to close another short post by saying make the best of these days, because who knows how many you got left. Enjoy this gift in front of you called life. And with that said off to doing something that I’m going to enjoy and that’s taking the dogs for a walk in the woods…